Taylor Swift is speaking out about how she overcame an eating disorder.
The âYou Need to Calm Downâ singer opened up about her private struggles with food and the âtriggerâ that led her to starve herself in her Miss Americana documentary, which premiered at the 2020 Sundance Film Festival last night (January 23).
As Swift explained in the film, whenever sheâd see âa picture of me where I feel like I looked like my tummy was too big, or⊠someone said that I looked pregnant ⊠and thatâll just trigger me to just starve a little bit â just stop eating.â
âI thought that I was supposed to feel like I was going to pass out at the end of the show, or in the middle of it,â Swift reveals in the documentary. âNow, I realize, no, if you eat food, have energy, get stronger, you can do all these shows and not feel [enervated].â
Swift went on to describe her unhealthy relationship with food over the years, telling Variety, âIf I was given a pat on the head, I registered that as good. If I was given a punishment, I registered that as bad.â The 30-year-old remembered thinking this way after appearing on her first magazine cover at 18, recalling the headline that suggested she was pregnant and registering that memory as âa punishmentâ for wearing an outfit that âmade my lower stomach look not flat.â
Elsewhere in the doc, the "Delicate" songbird reveals the lengths she would go to stay thin and how sheâs since come to embrace âthe fact that Iâm a size 6 instead of a size double-zero.â Back then, whenever people expressed concern, Swift would tell people she ate and exercised, but admits, âI wasnât eating." As she explains in the doc: "If youâre thin enough, then you donât have that ass that everybody wants. But if you have enough weight on you to have an aâ, your stomach isnât flat enough. Itâs all just fâing impossible.â
Swift said the conflict she felt with her body sometimes sent her âinto a real shame/hate spiral,â but with the teachings of self-help author Brene Brown, she says she's been able to restore balance to her life.
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